The other day in the car, “I Think We’re Alone Now” was playing on the radio, a song I hadn’t heard in decades. I was singing along. My son asked how old the song was and he was surprised that I still knew all the words. He had a point: I can’t go past helium on the periodic table without googling it even though I had to memorize it in high school, but I knew every word of this song. You would have thought I was Tiffany herself in the car that day! I told him it was one of my favorite songs growing up. I bought the tape and I played it all the time. Just talking about it to him made me smile.
I often suggest listening to your favorite song from the past to brighten up your day. This was a perfect example. There is something magical about listening to a song you loved when you were younger, something nostalgic. I can’t remember any particular event from listening to the Tiffany song, but I remember the joy. And that’s all that matters.
Many people have this misconception that we don’t have control over when joy comes to us, that it’s external, and we have to earn it or wait for our turn. But that’s not the case. We have the ability to bring out joy from within. It really is in our control. Our bodies store it in “pockets”, until a catalyst that brings it out. Have you ever looked at a picture of your child/pet doing something really cute when they were younger and your heart melted, even if you were having a bad day? You accessed a pocket of joy. How about grabbing your favourite scoop of ice cream to celebrate the first warm day of the year? There was a pocket accessed. Do you love wearing that ratty sweater with holes in it that is so comfortable you just can’t let it go? That’s another pocket of joy.
Even if we’ve experienced pain and trauma in our lives, many of us have moments or experiences where we enjoyed what was happening. These moments were what kept us going; they gave us motivation to move forward with our lives. Just like moments of trauma, these experiences create little pockets in our mind, memories not necessarily of the event but the feeling we had during them. For those pockets that bring upsetting memories we avoid them, so we don’t have to experience distress. Why not do the opposite for the positive pockets and purposefully open them to experience joy?
Just imagine: you have all these little pockets of joy inside you waiting to be savoured. When things are good, we don’t necessarily need them. But imagine the potential effects of joy when your day isn’t going as you hoped. Knowing you have the power to combat negativity with a joyful moment empowers you.
To clarify, joy and happiness are similar experiences. However, joy is deeper, more intense; it can come in bursts. Happiness is when something can make you smile. Joy is when you can’t hold back your smile. The purpose of accessing your pockets of joy is so that you can control how you experience your day, train yourself to see and appreciate the positive, and be able to better cope with the negative. By tapping into and valuing those joyful moments, you can experience ongoing happiness. Your baseline mood improves.
So, why not spend some time to figure out what those pockets are for you and make a list to remind you how to access them. It might seem minor to do these things, inconsequential even in the beginning. However, accessing your pockets will incrementally give you the power to be happier day to day, as well as give you an actual tool to combat negativity when it approaches you.
